wtorek, 3 grudnia 2013

Cho Lon

I can see the face. I remember his name.
I can still see the whitewashed walls, curtains which protects us from the heat, doors leading to another room, and the garden in the open air surrounded by a blue railing .
This is a place of distress and disaster.
He ask me to tell him what I think.

The sounds of the city is close . You can hear as it permeating to the room .

I asked him to do it again and again .. It could have been destructive.
You could die from this.
We were deprived of shame. And this is how it happened, that I'm here with him. 
He's on me .
We remain connected , moaning in coming from the outside noise of the city. We can hear it yet. Then we don't hear anything .

He Lit a cigarette and handed it to me. Now comes the evening

She say : I would prefer if you won't love me .
And even if you love me , I wish you could act like usually, when you are with  another women.
He looks aghast, he asks:do you really wish for that ?

She says yes . 
That's when for the first time he started to suffer when it comes to telling the truth.
He says he knows now that She doesn't love him at all. This pain allows him to speak. 
She begs him to act in that way .

He tore her dress and throws it away , then He  carries her on the bed. And then he turns  away and start crying.
And she slowly , patiently turns him towards her , and begins to undress.
She does it with her eyes closed . Slowly . He wants to make the move to help her. But she asks him to not to move. Let me do it, she says . When she asks for it ,she moves her body on the bed , so lightly , as she dont't want to wake him up .

The skin has a wonderful smoothness. Body. The body is flexible , muscular , hard . She didn't look him in the face.
She touch ,caresses the golden color,unknown, new. 
He sighs and cries . In love he's wonderful .
From the beginning there is a pain , then the pain becomes another possesion , transformed , growing slowly , rising toward pleasure, entwined with it.
Then he washed her . Washed his scent , his hands .  

Returns unnoticed feeling of desire. 

Today I know that the sadness was always in me.
I could almost give it my name.
When he died , day was overcast .
I think it was a spring , April maybe
They calling  me.
They don't explain anything except that he was found dead on the floor in his room.
Death ahead the end of the story.
Throughout the year, dusk was falling at the same time . It was very short , almost violent. 
Shadows stood out on the ground and on the water. On the roads and on the walls .
This wonderful image wasn't acceptable for me.

This senseless love , remains a mystery, unfathomable to me . I don't know why I loved him so much that I wanted to die with him, i wanted to share his death. When this happened , I was already a few years away from him and rarely thought of him. It seemed to me that I loved him forever and nothing new could happen to this love.
I forgot about death

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